So I’ve realized that I think to much about retiring. Is it crazy that even though I really enjoy my job, I find myself thinking, “just” thirty more years? I guess most people have these thoughts, but it struck me that mine sometimes cause me to postpone life.
I’ve said many times that this isn’t my forever house. I’m too close to my neighbors, my garden is too small, and my dog can’t ever run off a leash. I dream of a little cottage, maybe near where I grew up, where I can have chickens, fruit trees, and no paved roads in sight. It crosses my mind sometimes that I am practicing for that life by having a small garden, learning to can from farmer’s market produce, and keeping a pantry and a knowledge of cooking that means I am never running to the store for one or two things.
I realized something resently. You can’t practice for life, you can only live it. The life that I look forward to would have it’s own problems and there are things that I would miss. As much as I miss the fields and trees and space where I started life, it occurs to me that you must bloom where you are transplanted.
So, I will not be sad if I can’t find a corner of the garden for strawberries, I will rejoice in the good and hardworking farmer’s who provide them for me using the methods and care I would if I could. I will remember their smiles each time I open a jar of jam. I will, for the most part, cook from scratch but realize that the margarita pizza that took 20 minutes to make is as good, in it’s own way, as the six-hour tomato sauce over hand-rolled pasta. I will craft things that could far more easily be bought because, to me, these things make a home. And, I will make a clothespin apron, because it might be the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.
It’s time to revive some old skills, learn some new, and take pride in those I’m mastered. Not for practice, but because they enrich my life.
(If your thoughts ever run along these line, or more accurately, these loops and squiggles, you will probably enjoy this blog. It’s writer is, as Anne would say, is a “kindred spirit.” She inspired me to make my own yogurt this week and has me thinking I need to start making handmade soap again!)
i think about retiring but for more alturistic reasons.
I am not settling on that. and maybe this real first home isn’t meant to be my forever home either.
i am back on the hunt again for a house and i might have to settle. except i want a 6×6 piece of land that i can attempt a garden in
Either way, missy lou….if i could take a fraction of your love for things that aren’t always convenient, i’d be happier.
Comment by crystal — July 23, 2008 @ 7:58 am